I pulled in the parking lot of Mount Carmel church, relieved to see a few cars and people walking towards the church. One woman bent to pick up some Jasmines and gathered the fragant boquet in her hands. I smiled as I approached and asked if the church was open? They said no but I could propbably get inside through the side door where they were headed. I asked why they were here? They answered because they are doing a Devotion to the Blessed Mother. My stupd self did not want to ask if they meant are they going to pray the rosary? I went inside with them and when I walked in, they were women setting up chairs as well. I walked through the glass door that lead to the main church and stepped in to the solitude of the church bathed in civil twilight.
The loud electric buzz somewhat distracted me on an otherwise serene setting. Because it is empty, I can now feel the size of the church. I picked a pew towards the middle, pulled the knee cushions down and knelt on it. Not lettting the loud electric buzz startle me, I prayed for a minute or two. I prayed for the souls of my cousins Margo and Jessica that they find peace and love in heaven. I pray for my Grandfathers Dave and Manuel and my Great Aunts Saling and Edith. The date was May 25th. After my prayer, stood up , put the knee cushions back up, making sure I don't interrupt the Devotion and was relieved to see they have not started because they have to open the door to let me back in the room so that I can exit. They propped a stand by the exit door and as I walked out, count on me to trip on it :D.
Margo, May 25th was the date that until now, I still don't understand. But I pray for understanding that it might make sense when I go in heaven (I'd like to think so) or maybe I will never understand. It has been 5 years since you went back Home. The time seem distant but the pain is always closeby. I miss you. You saw what your sister has been doing? We did not have Facebook when we were growing up that is for sure.
May 26th, the sound of my alarm woke up me from a dream. I got out of bed and did something that I usually do when I'm about ready to leave for work and not when I just wake up - turn off my bedside lamp. Yes, I sleep with the lamp on. It is the biggest irony of someone who hunts ghosts as a hobby. Now, I have to explain the mechanism how I turn the lamp off. It has a knob behind towards the upper part of the "neck". My lamp is like one of those bendable Pixar jumping lamp but it's all black. To turn it off , you just turn the knob clockwise and it clicks to off. Turning it on is two steps - press it and turn it counter clockwise.
The bathroom is adjacent to my room and when I stepped out of it , I just stood in the hallway outside my open bedroom door and was still groggy. I looked at the hallway alarm clock and then back inside my room which is well-lit in that natural bluish radiance because of the natural sunrise. I can hear the birds chirping their crazy morning symphony outside - owls,turtle doves, blue jays, crows etc etc.
Next to my alarm clock is the lamp, it was bent to point towards the doorway so it seems as though it was "looking" straight at me. The off "lightless" bulb, looked back at me with its inanimate "eyes". Then I heard a click and then my bedside lamp turned on, the natural sunrise that was illuminating my room earlier was now overwhelmed with yellow artificial lamplight. My logical mind was already trying to make a comparison. Then I said, "Well good morning to you too." I walked inside my room, sat on my bed and reached out for the knob to turn my lamp off. Then tried to turn it on. This was why I figured out the 2 step mechanism to turn it on. Because I first tried to turn it on by turning the knob clockwise and it remained off. Then I pressed the knob and turned it counter clock wise then it turned on. I tried to just turn the knob counter clockwise but it did not turn on. I did this experiment several times as I sat there trying to find a logical explanation to debunk why my lamp just turned on by itself. All the while, I can feel the prickly goosebumps on my right arm (it's always my right arm too, which is interesting).
I then said in my mind and you were the first one in my mind Margo because the day before was May 25th. I said in my mind, "If that was you Margo or Jessica or Lolo Dave or Lolo Doc or Lolo Manolo ..or Tita Saling or Tita Edith ...thank you so much. But if you are none of these people, you have to leave and you can not communicate with me. Please clear my room."
I'd like to think it was a gift from heaven and that it was Margo. Because May 26th here the US would've meant that it was May 25th in the Philippines, and that was where she passed away.
I want to share with you this art piece of a song by Carrie Unerwood it's called "Temporary Home"
Temporary Home
Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone.
Another new mom and dad,another school,
Another house that'll never be home.
When people ask him how he likes this place...
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just another stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."
Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world."
"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just another stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday.
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face."
"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just another stop,on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home.
Take care and say hello to God for me :)
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